


Sorry

by Lunaztorta



Series: The Angst Collection [4]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kai is stubborn and stupid, M/M, One Shot, The Author Regrets Nothing, Zane is best boyfriend, opposite, oppositeshipping - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27063568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaztorta/pseuds/Lunaztorta
Summary: Zane ends up heavily injured after a failed mission and remains inactive for several days during reparations. Kai can't stop thinking about how all of that is his fault.
Relationships: Kai/Zane (Ninjago)
Series: The Angst Collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740910
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Sorry

Kai gulped down the last drop of dark liquor, tossing then the empty bottle aside. His head fell forward on his chest, arms abandoned inert at his sides while the glass container rolled away from him, hitting another one that laid not too far.

The room stank of alcohol and dirt and sweat. It was dark, the only chink of light provided by the weak rays of sunshine that hardly made their way filtering from the barricaded window.  
The fire ninja sat in the darkest corner on the floor, his back on a wall, too drunk to stand up and drag his body to the unmade bed.

How much time did it pass...? He didn't know. Hours? Days...? He didn't care.

All he wanted was to make the pain stop. He wanted to forget, to get rid of all those thoughts that kept gnawing at him, his brain presenting him all that he did wrong. He wanted to drawn that demon that was clawing at his chest with the burning liquid he kept bringing to his lips, same liquid meant to wash away the heavy guilt sip after sip.

He had another bottle ready beside him, although it took some time for him to tentatively find it, foggy amber eyes that couldn't really focus on reality any more. Everything was blurry and undefined. His stomach hurt like hell, his whole body was aching and screaming, yet he didn't listen to any of those signals as he finally found the bottle and opened it with some effort. The strong smell filled his nostrils and his stomach rebelled again. But Kai didn't care.

He was starting to think that all of that was the right punishment he deserved.  
After all, it was all his fault.  
All his fault, all over again.

When he finished swallowing down Kai grimaced, his head throbbing like hell. Maybe that was at last a good sign, maybe he would soon pass out and escape that living nightmare he was trapped in at least for a couple of minutes, or hours, or for eternity.  
He didn't care.

But no matter how much he drank to reach that coveted numbness, he couldn't fall asleep, his sins dancing like ghosts in front of his eyes, reminding him he deserved no mercy.  
He was to live that day over, and over, and over again.

Kai laughed, the sound hollow and dark.  
How dared he hope for some peace.  
He didn't deserve it.  
So Kai drank more.

A soft knock came from the door, the sound deafening to his ears.  
“Go awAy,” Kai intimated unmoving. His voice was hoarse and dry and dangerous. He already made Cole retreat, almost setting the monastery on fire if Nya hadn't been nearby.  
The doorknob went down ignoring his command, making Kai's anger surge from the depths of his very soul.  
Burning fire raged through his entire body, giving him more than enough strength to summon his elemental power.  
“I sAid GO AwaY!”  
With fury he hurled his flames towards the now open door, not even caring about who was coming in.

There was a sharp hiss and suddenly the room filled with hot steam, water gathering on the wooden floor.  
Kai coughed as his eyes stung and watered, for all the bad smells that had been heavy in the room grew more intense with the damp air.

“I swear Nya, go fUcking aWA-”  
“It's not Nya.”

Kai froze on the spot hearing that calm and metallic voice, his words dying away as his throat tightened. His heart sunk as the pain he thought he dulled down with all that alcohol emerged again claiming his lungs. He couldn't breathe.

“N-no...” Kai wailed curling up bringing his knees to his chest. Tears were streaming down his cheeks even if he thought he hadn't any tears left to cry.

Zane took a step into the room closing the door behind himself and Kai gasped. All his anger had evaporated like Zane's ice, replaced by dread and desperation. No, no, please, Zane... Zane couldn't see him like this...  
More waves of guilt made Kai choke as he realized just how many empty bottles were on the floor. It hit him hard that he fell into it right again, as if he didn't learn anything the first time. No, Zane couldn't witness him in such pitiful and miserable state.

Zane came slowly closer. Kai panicked.  
“N-no Zane, don't c-come any CLOSER!”  
A shot of flames hit the floor in front of the nindroid who stopped dead into his tracks with his blue eyes shot open in surprise. He met Kai's amber ones that were shrunk in fear.

Zane only nodded slowly, observing Kai to analyze his vitals.

Kai looked like an undernourished kitten, his hair dirty and tangled, his eyes hollow with deep dark eye bags circling them. He could recognize the very same gi he had on when they went together to the mission with the others five days prior... when all went wrong. Zane promptly scanned the room and his eyes flickered. Too many... way too many. He didn't need a blood sample to know that if Kai didn't stop he was going to poison himself with irreversible consequences. It was a miracle his body didn't give up yet.

“Kai...” the nindroid tried again, yet his lover shook his head firmly, scrambling against the wall to put more distance between them.

“Go... away, p-please,” he pleaded again. “I don't.. I don't want you to s-see me li-like this. Please Zane, please, l-leave alone, p-please...”

More tears rolled down those beloved eyes, making Zane's heart ache.

“Negative Kai. I am staying.”

Kai wailed again, hiding his face in between his hands, sobbing desperately.  
Zane waited a little to see if Kai would open up, yet it didn't happen.

“Kai, why are you keeping me away?”

Kai flinched, his hands grabbing fistful of hair as he bit down his lower lip. The demon squeezed his heart tight, laughing at him, while the ghosts of his sins kept chanting him what he had done.  
Or better, what he didn't.

“Z-Zane, n-no..”

Yet there was no way Zane would leave his boyfriend in that condition. He took another further step, the wooden floor squealing under his feet. Kai jolted and instinctively shot another fire ball in front of Zane, making him stop again. The floor hissed again, making a fizzling sound because of the evaporating water.

“Kai...” Zane's voice quivered, stress starting to make its way into his circuits as he grew more and more frustrated.

“I hurt you,” Kai blurted out, hand stretched towards Zane ready to use his element if needed. “I hurt you, and I can't forgive myself. I wasn't there when you needed me most, and I hurt you. Y-you... y-you...!”

The fire ninja couldn't see anything admits the tears. That failed mission had been haunting him non stop for the past days, days Nya and Jay spent tinkering and repairing Zane while he spiralled down into alcohol again. Just like the first time he lost him.

“I-it's all my fault,” Kai kept talking as Zane kept silent and unmoving. “You asked f-for back up, and I... I decided.. not to come... it's all my fault.. a-all my fault”

The pain in his lungs was becoming unbearable. His heart was so heavy it could have been made out of stone. Kai gasped and coughed, making Zane move without thinking towards his boyfriend. Yet Kai didn't feel ready yet, and he decided he never would be. He didn't deserve Zane.  
He shot another blast of fire.

“Kai,” Zane murmured.

This time he didn't stop walking.

“S-SToP,” Kai pleaded.

Panic rose inside of the fire ninja, making him launch more and more projectiles.

“My love.”

The nindroid kept walking for he noticed Kai never really aimed at him.

“N-no...”

Kai always purposefully missed.

“Stop hurting yourself.”

“I d-deserve it.”

“You deserve only love.”

Kai held his breath as his eyes shot open. Zane was beside him pulling him against his chest. The fire ninja tried to struggle out of the embrace, starting to rise his own temperature to turn his body impossibly hot to the touch. Zane grit his teeth and hugged him more firmly as his body temperature dropped impossibly down to be still able to hold him. Both had their eyes shut at this point, only focused on that struggle.  
More steam formed with their powers combined.

“Zane, let go of me!”

Kai's cry made Zane shudder, yet he didn't let go. He sensed he was close to break down Kai's defences, that he could finally reach him to drag him out from that ocean of pain.  
The fire ninja knew he was about to shatter. Zane was so close he could smell his scent, scent that he loved oh so dearly. But how, how could he hope for his forgiveness? After what had happened?

“I love you Kai...” came the soft murmur of Zane's whisper into his ear.

Kai yielded. He sobbed hard as he hugged back Zane, fists closing on his white gi.

“I'm sorry,” the fire ninja finally said, opening a way to his heart. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...”

Zane only kept running a hand up and down Kai's back, their temperatures slowly going back to normal.

“I'm so, so sorry...”

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired by early S4, when Lloyd finds Kai drinking at the counter of the fight club. I can see how Kai could have developed alcoholism to cope with Zane's loss, out of everyone he's definitely the one that "punished" himself most for what happened and that might have had the hardest time. Just like when Cole fell. He's just... too sensible under that cocky behavior for his own sake.


End file.
